In which I consider exactly what is being attempted here.
It is remarkable how many attempts have been made on this end to keep some sort of recording of things: activities, viewings, readings, writings. A conditioned approach inherited from people I admire, people who have more reasons, drives, inclinations to do so. Though in many respects, this is absurd. These role models (whether film makers, authors, critics) did not sit and worry about web design, and layouts, and whether or not the lone reader is able to easily access their careful documentations of every waking thought and movement. Rather, they worried about their output, the varying success of what they set out to do, and, ultimately, the work itself. Rather, the drives for record keeping come from something different, an illusion of organization brought upon by those who accumulate and organize the work of others, taking sets of reviews, diary entries, letters and putting them in one finite work, the basic lie being that all clusters of work can be simply placed in a corner and referred to casually as "that period of time". And so I worry that the time I spend (and continue to spend) trying to create a record of my work is taking away from the purity of it, or at least the spontaneity that came from a time before it felt so mandatory to do so. And so, once again, here is an attempt to start anew and find an outlet for reflection, continuing my overall goal (always renewed) to absorb less and reflect more. Some of your may find some things interesting, others will not. But I am always happy to engage.
In the past, I have focused my comments and critiques on movies. It always seemed like the only thing that I had any actual say in being able to write about with at least some form of knowledge. But I wonder if that level of being pigeonholed into a single "thing" is the reason for my eventual abandonment of projects like this. If something catches my interest that is "against" the usual focus, I start to wonder if it is a waste of time because it is not in line with the previous outputs. So this project, while it will purport itself to being about film, both recent and classic, it should be a fluid and living thing, and one that can have the freedom to reflect my changing interests of style, genre, theory, my awareness and introduction of new people and fresh places, my understanding of new technologies (and even learning how to use this interface is an ongoing learning experience unto itself), and the time I may or may not have to invest in it: a journal of repeated or occasional usage, for a reader of at least one. And so perhaps moving into a new project with fewer expectations is really the most important thing, and the willingness to change its foundation crucial to its continued exploration. Or, and it is very possible, this site will eventually become an untouched work on the rapidly expanding cemetery of the internet.
As it stands, this project is a work in progress. But the longer it stands in "edit" mode, with the "publish" button intimidating me with its promise of completeness (a term basically an illusion unto itself), the easier it becomes to put off, and the more welcoming lethargy and non-reflection are. So there will be changes and additions, some explicitly stated and others subtly left behind for a wandering eye to uncover. Many pages will never be clicked on, their words remaining fresh in anxious anticipation for someone to give life to their dated musings, which is ultimately fine as the act of getting them out of my head and onto the screen may have truly been all that needed to be accomplished through them. And so, we will see what this is, might be, become, might not be. A chance to break away from the restrictions brought upon by commodities of creation and open the self to a kind of organized reflection that embraces the messiness that is inherent with the term. So, welcome!
July 19th, 2020